Don't Mix Your Dreams with Your Child's

Khalil Gibran once said, 'Your children are not your children. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.' This is for all of us parents to remember all the time. Your kids are not your possessions. Parents often want to see their children achieve the goals that they failed to achieve for whatever reason. They want to live their dreams through their children. This is so unfair to your children who are individuals with their own rights. They have a mind of their own; their talents may be quite different from yours. Then, how can you expect them achieve whatever it is you want them to achieve?

You don't want your children to grow up to be your clones. You also don't want your children to become like someone else no matter how great they may be. Allow your child grow up to be themselves. Each child has certain talents; let them develop those talents. There are many examples of very successful people who are frustrated with their lives. The reason for it is because most of the time they wanted to follow their passion, but grew up to be judges, doctors or mathematicians because their parents thought those were the right directions to go to. They may have succeeded in the eyes of the world, but they feel like failures within themselves. Don't do that to your children. Learn from other people's mistakes.

In order to let your children grow up to be themselves, you will need to observe yourself objectively and avoid certain things consciously. The mind plays many tricks. For instance, you may think that becoming a doctor or a lawyer would be a great goal for your child because these are noble professions and your child will contribute to his community by alleviating the pain and suffering of others. But, stop! Wait a minute, and look again. This is how you think, not your child! You may have wanted to take up medicine or law as your profession, not your child. So, let your child decide what they want to do. Encourage them to think independently and set their own goals.

As a parent, you need to be very aware of the fact that your children learn a lot from you whether you intend it or not. Children learn by imitation; they see you act and react in all kinds of situations and automatically absorb your style. Children also like to please their parents. After all, the parents form their whole world, and even when they broaden the horizons, the home remains the hinge around which their life moves. Your stated or unstated desires can become impediment for your children.

The essence of good parenting is to help your children become independent. Don't encourage your children to hold on to your apron strings. It is tough for parents to let go; it is difficult for them to let their kids go out on their own and into the cruel world. But, you have to remember that good parenting is about making your children independent. There is a time to hold your kid's hand to teach them to walk; and there is a time to let them go and fly high.